Daily Logs 8-21-14

I. Loris and Future!Roca just want to outlive each other
II. Phew! Looks like everything is back to normal. Uh...really normal actually...
III. Terrence rushes to Zef's side but doesn't stay long enough for Zef's taste
IV. Joseph gets a visit from the Hopeful Cynical Terry Fairy



I.
Loris: *'sitting on her bed, because she refuses to lie down and is barely able to stand*
Future!Roca: *managed to stand up and move from one side of the cell to the other some time ago, and now approaches Loris – one of the three spinning Lorises will probably be the right one* Mind if I… *clings to the nearest bed post* join you?
Loris: *twitches her head which counts as a shake that she immediately regrets* Go ahead. *has her head down because if she can see the floor, it helps with the dizziness* I can't do much to stop you anyway.
Future!Roca: *snorts in sour amusement* And I can’t… leave, right now. Not really. Not ‘til the floor stops moving.
Loris: Good luck with that.
Future!Roca: Mhm. *slides down on the bed post clumsily until she sits on the bed, too, leaning with her back against it, needing two tries to find it* Most of my body’s numb. Even my tongue. *speaks slowly and sounds dull, but understandably*
Loris: I can't see straight or think straight or do anything, really. *holds her hand out to show how it shakes and she has little control over it, after a few seconds it falls limp despite her efforts to keep it straight* Fifteen fingers on that hand, and I can't use a single one of them.
Future!Roca: *snorts* So much… for the middle fingers. *breathes heavily* I should tell that past Dover-guy.
Loris: What?
Future!Roca: *makes a sound that’s probably meant as a chuckle. Could be gagging, too, though* Because he’s a doctor. And promised to… to… *shortly distracted by rotating floor* …ugh. Something with showing Hattans his middle fingers when I’m gone.
Loris: *tries to laugh but it turns into a cough* You'll have a lot to choose from.
Future!Roca: How is surviving me going?
Loris: I'm waiting...the doctor hasn't told me if I'm dead yet.
Future!Roca: /You/ would believe someone… who tells you you’re dead?
Loris: The /point/ is...*trails off and stares at the floor until she realizes she was going to say something* is that I'm not sure this is living.
Future!Roca: *laughs* Who says you must live… to survive?
Loris: But am I alive? I don't know.
Future!Roca: Yes. Unless I‘m a Prophet.
Loris: *laughs a lot harder than she should* So either I'm alive or... *breathes* this is hell.
Future!Roca: *grins and turns her head in Loris’ vague direction with her eyes closed* That was not nice.
Loris: You'd like the Fire Caves. They're dark...
Future!Roca: Mh. Fire Caves sound warm… *dreamy voice*
Loris: They might be.
Future!Roca: Warm, dark and underground… *snorts* You sure we talk about hell?
Loris: *grins* It's where the demons live. You'd fit in.
Future!Roca: I guess. Where will you be?
Loris: With the Prophets.
Future!Roca: How is that?
Loris: It's not a physical location...so I don't know.
Future!Roca: Are you sure the Prophets… *gasps*… will find you here?
Loris: No.
Future!Roca: *oh* *hm, what to say?* I think they will. *if they exist*
Loris: I'll just..*loses her balance and falls forward before catching herself and pushing herself back upright* I'll just not give myself the chance to find out.
Future!Roca: Celin believes in them, too. If she’s dead… and they found her… they find you, too.
Loris: If they found her.
Future!Roca: If not she won’t care. Then she’s just as dead as the rest of us when we die. *gurgling voice*  
Loris: *but then they won't find me either* Mm. *very eloquent*
Future!Roca: And there I thought… you had something nice to tell… about dying. *being religious and all that*
Loris: No. Nothing encouraging.
Future!Roca: *distorted grin* Make sure you… survive.
Loris: I'm trying. My hardest.
Future!Roca: If you die you fail. I’ll laugh. *is that encouraging enough?*
Loris: You'll die soon after.
Future!Roca: I had time to prepare. I wasn’t meant to survive…
Loris: Doesn't mean you wanted to die.
Future!Roca: I wanted to live. But my experiences and… *trails off, believing Loris knows she’s talking about ceasing to exist* It’s a small price compared to winning this war.
Loris: Mm. Deleting this war.
Future!Roca: And myself. And Celin. And my decision.
Loris: It's a braver thing than I could do.
Future!Roca: *laughs* Give yourself one year!
Loris: Sorry to disappoint...but I don't think I have that long.
Future!Roca: Don’t give up faith. *somehow finds that insanely amusing* Sooner or later someone will smash that thing. *maybe*  
Loris: That'd be very considerate of them.
Future!Roca: *groans while she shifts weight uncoordinatedly* What will you do once… you’re back… home?
Loris: Probably avoid being friends with you,...if I don't remember this.
Future!Roca: *gives a laugh* I thought so. We’ve talked about this. *Celin and I* I’ll survive. Though, it’s a great loss, of course. *lays it on thick, but hey! She’s dying*
Loris: The other you won't know.
Future!Roca: *snorts* No. The other me won’t give up.  
Loris: I *long pause for breath* know.
Future!Roca: Until she gets the chance to… *pause for breathing, too* to return. Home. I don’t know if I still could, but she… one day… she can… *trails off in some sort of a longing daydream*
Loris: I'll send her there.
Future!Roca: *snorts* So you don’t have to bother with her.
Loris: Nooo. Out of the goodness of my heart.
Future!Roca: *amused* Then send her to your Fire Caves.
Loris: *horrified look* I wouldn't actually.
Future!Roca: Why not? *it sounds beautiful*
Loris: Everyone is terrified of that place.
Future!Roca: I’m not.
Loris: Because you're not...us.
Future!Roca: Then nothing’s gonna happen to me.
Loris: You don't know that.
Future!Roca: I could fall off a cliff. *ow, breathing hurts*
Loris: Entirely possible.
Future!Roca: *snorts* You underestimate me. *eyes still closed, supported by the bed post because right now she couldn’t walk a straight line, but /details/, Loris underestimates her!*
Loris: *leans forward more and closes her eyes* I don't underestimate the Fire Caves.
Future!Roca: Why, what’s in there? *fire and caves, sounds like a common Cardassian sauna*
Loris: *I told you this already* Demons.
Future!Roca: Has anyone ever seen them?
Loris: In stories. *volumes and volumes of folklore...*
Future!Roca: *manages a strained grin, breathing heavily* That’s so… tempting… Let’s… if we survive this, let’s make them our next hideout.
Loris: *snorts* /You/ can.
Future!Roca: All right. *silent for a while, just breathing, lying down on the cot weakly* …Usually, when you die you at least leave a memory. Proof that you existed.
Loris: There's still...a Roca that exists.
Future!Roca: *nods weakly and regrets the movement* Who will never know of me. Who would probably not… even understand.
Loris: But. She can go to Cardassia.
Future!Roca: Yes. She can lead a different life.
Loris: *starts a sigh that she can't finish because she doesn't have the ability to breathe for that long* I say that's worth it.
Future!Roca: I was not exactly unhappy here. *amused*
Loris: You enjoy dangerous living?
Future!Roca: I’m a soldier, wha- ouh, what do you think?
Loris: Prophets, /why aren't you dead yet/?
Future!Roca: *Glinn Madro* Skills. *grins*
Loris: *snorts that turns into a cough that turns into a gag that turns into gasping for air and an inability to breathe please just let me die now*
Future!Roca: *opens her eyes and slowly crawls towards Loris* Don’t panic. Breathe deeply and calm down. *feels for her hand, places it on Loris’ belly and squeezes it*
Loris: *keeps trying to inhale until something finally takes and she gets /some/ air, then just lies there concentrating very hard on breathing*
Future!Roca: *clumsily rolls on her belly, feels with the other hand for Loris’ and closes her eyes again because everything spins terribly in her head* Sssh, ssh. *catches breath* You’re not alone.
Loris: *grabs onto Roca's hands because they make a very reassuring presence* *breathes*
Future!Roca: *is unable to move any closer or support her body other than by holding on to her hands – every try would probably result in both of them falling off the bunk* *concentrates on breathing, too, and desperately keeping her eyes shut*
Loris: *after she manages to somewhat catch her breath and isn't dying of hypoxia (as quickly)* *hoarsely* I'm sorry I was ever mean to you.
Future!Roca: Ssh, save your… breath. *several moments of silence in which she comprehends what Loris just said* It’s my own fault. I stalked you. I should have… would have left you alone. At least when I started to like you. But I needed you.
Loris: Doesn't...*gasp* doesn't make it any more...right.
Future!Roca: Heh. It’s… lovely, when you’re angry. *jokingly* Makes me important to you.
Loris: *rolls her eyes*
Future!Roca: *doesn’t see it* But, ah. I’m sorry, too. *for whatever* *one is probably supposed to say that when one dies, and she knows there /were/ instances in which she was sorry* Though I have no regrets…
Loris: Of course you don't.
Future!Roca: I should have, though. *grins* Ah, but… it endowed me with a wonderful friend.
Loris: Who isn't outliving you.
Future!Roca: I can live with that. *haha, she is so funny*
Loris: *twitches the corner of her mouth up* Not for long.
Future!Roca: But I can hope that… in the end… we’ll win the war. *stupid as it is, but hope dies last* And get our second chance. *breathes* Celin… Celin said she hopes… we’ll make friends again. *I’m not that optimistic, but I’m dying and it’s a comforting thought*
Loris: *pats Roca's hand* I hope so. *gasps* I'm glad you're here, at least.
Future!Roca: I won’t go anywhere. Can’t. *said with grim satisfaction*
Loris: How nice.
Future!Roca: What do you want to hear? That I’d be here instead of saving the universe if I could? *long pause* I’d try. *both is good. And she knows from experience: There are times at war when you still find the chance to tend to your dying comrades*
Loris: No. *snorts* I'm not that sentimental.
Future!Roca: I know.
Loris: Right. Celin.
Future!Roca: What about her? *breathlessly*
Loris: You know... because...*because of her*
Future!Roca: Ah. Yes. Yes, that is true.
And then they continued fighting for every last breath to outlive the other.



II.
[This week, the remaining crew of the Lina Sophia and the other rebels came up with an attack plan for bringing the Hattan flagship down and finally destroying the temporal device to set the timeline back to August 3, 2275. Since some officers were abducted and presumably interrogated, the crew made changes to the original attack plan. Said original plan, in short, was using the LS as a guard for other vessels, of which one was supposed to beam officers aboard the flagship.
The new plan, that is put into action today, goes as follows: All ships - the Lina Sophia, the conquered Hattan vessel and several other rebel ships -  approach the Hattan flagship at a different time, with altered speed and from another direction as originally planned. The Lina Sophia acts as guard and shield for the smaller Starfleet-Hattan ship. Also, the Lina Sophia's temporal shielding was enhanced by Engineering. This weakens the shields, but grants the other vessels protection as well for as long as they're flying in a certain range and attack-formation: Lina Sophia and the other rebel ships are to fire at the flagship's shields at three calculated spots from a several angle over and over again. This weakens its shields and finally makes them collapse via a chain reaction, starting at the spot between the three attack points.
As soon as they get the chance, the officers from the conquered SF-Hattan beam a previously readied hydrogen matter-antimatter collision bomb on the flagship. Its timer is set to thirty seconds - after that the bomb's small vacuum chamber opens and causes an explosion strong enough to tear the whole flagship apart.
When the bomb explodes, it tears the Hattan flagship apart. The temporal device gets destroyed and in this very moment a blinding white light flashes, so bright that it even overexposes the seemingly distorted stars outside. A strong jolt shakes the ship, as all engines come to a halt...]

[Apparently the device is destroyed, the timeline rewinded and the Lina Sophia tossed back through time into the year 2275, 3rd of August... or maybe not? The crew finds themselves on the Lina Sophia - everyone, even the abducted officers. Everyone wakes up from a sleep-like state: on their posts, in their quarters, in the hallways - as if they had fallen asleep at random places, right on the spot. All of their injuries are gone, as well as the poison. What remains are everyone's memories. Also they will find that it is the 21st of August - almost three weeks after they left for their original mission, which was to explore a rare nebula formation... which can be seen outside, by the way, if anyone minds looking.
On the Lina Sophia's computers the crew will find the gathered data from analyzing the nebula and security surveillance devices have recorded all of them doing their jobs as usual... only that none of them can remember, though instead they have the memories from the time travel: By destroying the temporal device, our crew unknowingly enforced a part of the temporal law, only applying to Hattan technology.]



III.
Zef: *fell asleep in the main cell; weak, exhausted and in pain from the poison on the one hand, on the other hand parts of his body rapidly going numb as the nerves were dying...* *but now that future lies in the past: he awakes on the Lina Sophia in Engineering, leaning against his console; in great confusion he notices what everyone does: the stardate changed, they're near the nebula, they're all back... and so on* */fortunately/ the time tells him that his shift is almost over – so he sits the last bit of it out (he tried to be strong in that cell, if he's ever been in that cell? - so he can go on with it now)* *as soon as the last bit of his shift is over he flees from Engineering, headed for his quarters, the next best hideout he can think of and then, there, he can think of further steps, yeah, sounds good, okay...!*
Terrence: *was also on shift, but in Medical, and after dealing with a few people who wanted themselves checked up on to make sure they were actually okay, leaves Medical to anxiously look for Zef* *goes to his quarters when he hears from the computer that he's approaching that area*
Zef: *steps out of the turbolift, headed straight for his quarters, stubbornly looking down at the floor all the time because people don't feel the need to say hello if you don't even look at them...*
Terrence: *coming from the other direction, sees him and stops near Zef's door, watching him for a few moments to guage how he's doing*
Zef: *may seem like he's in a hurry or maybe even moody, but underneath that he's stressed and  scared* *only looks up when he's close to his door* … oh. Terrence! *somewhere between startled and surprised, blinks*
Terrence: *grins* Zef! I haven't seen you in a week, no matter what the computer system thinks we've been doing. *opens his arms for a hug*
Zef: *doesn't react for one or two seconds, then steps closer, wraps his arms around Terry and squeezes him* I missed you...! Thought I'd never see you again...
Terrence: *hugs him back* We always come through, man. And we always will, until the day we don't, but until then it's an absolute guarantee.
Zef: I guess we erased that day... but it would have come, for me. *I was dying, there was pain*
Terrence: *lets go of him and gestures to his door, so he can open it and they can talk not in a public hallway* What?
Zef: *lets go too, yeah, door, good idea* *opens the door, steps inside and looks around... no, he doesn't feel like he's been here last week, he's been in that holding cell right? Dying. Oh, right!* *eventually looks at Terry* … Well, I was kinda poisoned. If was with the Hattans, but... *slight shrug* everyone says so. *probably checked on the data they apparently gathered from the nebula and so far it doesn't look like a nebula-phenomenon, but real time travel*
Terrence: *swallows* One or two other people came to sickbay while I was there, asking to be tested for poison that they'd had...I'd kind of hoped you didn't have to experience that.
Zef: Well, it wasn't pleasant. But hey, this time they didn't interrogate me. They just let me die... Slowly... in... *looks down, intents to cross his arms but ends up hugging his torso* pain.
Terrence: *winces and opens his arms again to offer another hug*
Zef: *notices the movement and looks up, walks towards him until he's really close, wants to lean against Terry with his own torso still hugged* I'm really not good at being okay, you know, it looks so much easier than it is. But I tried. I didn't show them how bad off I really was. *nodnod*
Terrence: *hugs him, arm wrap and all* Wait, really? You stole my game? *grin*
Zef: *leans against him, into the hug* I'm not good at it, really. And I think I... should stop now.
Terrence: That's fine. You don't need it anymore. *loosens his hold* Probably should make tea and sit down first.
Zef: Okay. *nods* But what happens when I stop? I mean, they, the Hattans, were all... arbitrary and I have no idea how... *sighs* If I stop, I might need the bathroom floor before anything else, I don't know... *because bathrooms are just convenient for having breakdowns, or so he thinks*
Terrence: That's fine too. The trick to being okay is having moments when you're not okay. Okay?
Zef: Oh. Okay, yeah... okay. *nods* So *pause* will you get me when you're done making tea? And then we talk? I think I want that. And I, well, I need to know about you, too. It's been a week and... stuff.
Terrence: *nods* That's fine. Do you want to eat, too?
Zef: Ermm... maybe. *mumbles* If I don't vomit, yeah.
Terrence: *nods* Tea for now. *pats his shoulder/upper arm* I'll check on you in a bit.
Zef: *nodnod* Thanks. *relieved and nervous at the same time, heads for the bathroom and closes the door but doesn't lock it*
Terrence: *goes to make tea, quietly, knowing how important alone time can be but also having flashbacks to when Molly would be "fine" and lock herself in the bathroom and come back with self-inflicted bruising and cuts*
Zef: *stands looking around, undecided what to do and at first... does nothing, no breakdown-reaction wants to happen, it's just all numb... like his body was... where it stopped aching, while he was dying, because the Hattans poisoned him, when he was at their mercy, just like everyone else and people were taken from him, just like that... and... then the thoughts and mental images start coming* *sits on the floor in front of the sink, close enough to the toilet, half curled up, starting to feel all the disgust and despair he was so afraid of and just doesn't fight it, and it's feeling horrible, but also liberating...*
Terrence: *sits down on Zef's couch with tea and a PADD to wait*
Zef: *doesn't realize how much time passes, just starts crying silently at some point and curls up even more, taking heavy trembling breathes... until he's eventually probably done and then tension falls off, but he keeps lying tiredly on the floor*
Terrence: *goes to the bathroom after about 20 minutes and knocks on the door, pauses briefly, then opens it to check on Zef*
Zef: *is lying on the floor, rolled on his side, eyes still a bit watery* *mumbles* Hey... *slight tired smile* Is good timing.
Terrence: *sits down next to him* I'm good at that. I have an internal clock, mm?
Zef: *smiles a bit more* Yeah, right. I know. And you know me. *starts sitting up, why are breakdowns so exhausting @.@* Thanks... that was good, kinda, I think.
Terrence: *loops an arm around his shoulders* You haven't been alone in a while. Or...I mean, did they keep you together? *they did separate people out sometimes, the last time*
Zef: Some of us, some. *leans against him* They kept us all in one big holding cell, but now and then they beamed people out, y'know, just like that. Well, to... interrogate them or, erm, in solitary confinement. But not me, they only poisoned me and wanted to let me die from it.
Terrence: *hugs his shoulders with his arm* Why do there have to be people like that. I don't /understand/.
Zef: *slight headshake* I don't know... *huddles against Terry* Thing is... I'm glad that it's over, I mean, all is well... now. But... *sighs* I have issues.
Terrence: You get exclusive membership to the Issues Club with that, you know.
Zef: *makes a noise, sounding like a weak laugh* I'll bring it up next time someone wants to get me off the Legacy for my issues.
Terrence: Yeah. You're on the inside, you can't just /leave/. I'm sure they'll understand.
Zef: And if not, I mean, what would sending me away be good for anyway? I'd feel like the most disgusting person in the world here or everywhere, really. It's not about my location.
Terrence: *grunts* How do you feel right now, though?
Zef: *thoughtfully* Like... well, disgusting, y'know, I mean they didn't even touch me, but still, it's like they had their hands on me all the time. They could do whatever whey wanted. *makes a face, pauses* Oh, and relieved, I think. And I'm so glad you're here. *breathes deeply, slight nod* Yeah.
Terrence: *nods* Those all make sense. Some of those will fade over time, promise.
Zef: *nodnodnod* Yeah, well. It normally does, more or less. *the part about feeling disgusting, he means* What about you? *glances at him*
Terrence: I'm okay, and I really mean that. I was scared, and worried, but...everyone's back. We did it. *smiles*
Zef: Yeah, I... was so confused when we woke up, really. But everyone said it looks like we're really... we traveled through time, right? Like, for real? *raises a brow, this is just so hard to believe*
Terrence: I mean, I think so. Unless we dreamed it all. But...I'm no scientist, I don't know how to test for that.
Zef: Well, we... seem to have the data from that nebula outside, so... *hesitant shrug* My other option is the Starfleet Syndrome, I mean, we're back in that reality where we're officers. But... I kinda doubt it, this time, or maybe I just want to. *sinks a little, for a moment afraid the Hattans could pull him out of a simulation because he just admitted doubts*
Terrence: *chuckles* I promise, the Hattans are gone and everything they've ever done is all a lie.
Zef: Yeah, until they come back. They're still out there... just... without that device? *shifts his posture slightly* Also, that floor is cold. *not like he's chosen the spot himself, nooo*
Terrence: Right, well there's hot tea by the couch. *stands and holds out his hand to Zef*
Zef: Okay, yeah, sounds better. *takes his hand and gets up*
Terrence: *goes out of the bathroom and sits down on the couch, where he has a teapot and a mug for Zef*
Zef: *still a bit shaky from the exhausting breakdown, follows him the couch, sits down next to him* It's so good to have you back, y'know? And that you're okay, I mean, like... really. And... what was it like, last week? *leans back, couch is so much better than floor*
Terrence: Everyone worried, and then T'Pah decided not to come get you. We went after the flagship instead to get at the device. *small grin* I told her I was mad at her for not coming for you guys.
Zef: *closes his eyes, slight grin* Yeah that... sounds like you, both, you and T'Pah. You still mad at her?
Terrence: No. But I do remember. She was hoping I'd forget. *grinning*
Zef: *snorts a laugh* That didn't work out. *blinks, slight frown* I mean, really. Weren't we supposed to forget everything?
Terrence: Well, maybe, but every time we time travel we learn something new. It's not like it's a common occurance, or easy to study.
Zef: Was my first time, in any case. And it's, I find it complicated. *leans forward and takes the mug, holds it with both hands, liking the warmth* But... maybe I'm still okay with the memories. Not with the last week, but...
Terrence: I liked meeting ourselves. Kinda. So different.
Zef: *nodnod* I think I'm calmer when I'm broken. *the irony*
Terrence: *shrugs* You get something to focus on. It /is/ kinda calming, in a way. It blocks out everything else.
Zef: Was he with you, last week? *sips tea* Since we kinda... switched versions.
Terrence: Oh, yeah, he slept on my couch the whole time and we hung out.
Zef: *slight smile, looks at the cup* Well, I... wanted to talk more with the other you, but yeah, surveillance and poison and surveillance. *sighs* Inconvenient.
Terrence: Yours was quiet, sometimes, but he wanted to talk a few times.
Zef: *looks up* Did you get him? I mean... erm, weird.
Terrence: Did I understand? I mean, sometimes, mostly. But we did have some miscommunications.
Zef: I think he... kinda jumps between topics back and forth. *that's at least the kind of miscommunication Zef has with F!Zef*
Terrence: Yeah, that's a good way to put it. His mind raced, I think, and staying on one thought or another for too long was just too hard.
Zef: Mh, makes sense, yeah. Well, if I became like that I couldn't stay here. But I... think it wasn't so bad this time, maybe, not as bad as Hatta. It was different. I mean, I don't think I can sleep tonight, but... *sips tea, then puts the mug back on the table*
Terrence: *nods* But you think you'll be okay, at some point. Like you can make it through.
Zef: *slight nod* Yeah. And... this time it made more sense not to give in, or at least I thought it makes more sense. On Hatta, it didn't matter so much.
Terrence: I'm glad you didn't give in. It's a good feeling, mm?
Zef: Yeah, I guess. But I don't really feel bad for not doing it last time. I'm paying for it when I have doubts about reality and it just didn't seem to matter. This time it did. I'd feel bad if I had given up this time.
Terrence: It's here and now that matters anyway, don't worry so much about the past. *shrug*
Zef: Mh, well and there's enough to worry about here and now. *sideglances, shifts posture*
Terrence: *laughs* Man, that's right. I guess we need to head back for the Legacy now, mm?
Zef: *nods, is about to say something but then doesn't, swallows at the thought* Yeah... oh gawd Terrence. *leans back, sounding more stressed again* I don't want to work tomorrow, I don't even want to get up, I don't want anything. But I have to...
Terrence: Not necessarily. We ran the ship without you guys while the Hattans had you, we can give you time to rest and do it again.
Zef: Sounds good... I... am not sure if I'm on-duty tomorrow *frustrated* but knowing my rotten luck... *sighs, sinks* And I don't know how everyone is...
Terrence: *loops his arm around Zef's shoulders again* Don't worry about it. I'm going to recommend that anyone who wants the day off, takes it. I'm okay to go on-duty and the ship isn't damaged so we should be able to fly home.
Zef: *shifts closer, huddles against him* Thanks. Thanks, that's good. Because they aren't okay, what if they're still not okay? I mean, how am /I/ supposed to help them? What should I do, I /can't/. *surprisingly distressed about it*
Terrence: Zef, Zef, it's okay. You don't need to take care of anyone right now, just take care of yourself. Other people will care for the others. All of you are safe now, there's room to care for yourself.
Zef: *squeezes him, hesitates briefly* But-- Loise is my sister. And they got Leslie and I was dying, but it was bad for her.
Terrence: *chuckles* I have a feeling those two will just try to take care of /you/. But you can still go see them.
Zef: Maybe... I mean I /tried/ to be strong, but I guess in the end I wasn't.
Terrence: *shakes his head* You probably succeeded. Success doesn't mean perfection.
Zef: Yeah, but... I doubt that I was /any/ help for Loise. For Leslie... maybe. I mean, in a way, okay yeah. *slight headshake*
Terrence: Go see Loise then. Check on her.
Zef: … what? Now? *slight frown, looks at him* But...
Terrence: *blinks at him* What?
Zef: I... don't really want to go?
Terrence: Oh. Then don't.
Zef: I'm... sorry?
Terrence: Well...I mean, do what you want to do. Do what will help you, I'd say. You had a rough time of it. *shakes his head*
Zef: *mumbles* I'd rather stay here, I missed you.
Terrence: *sheepish* Actually, I was going to see if you wanted to sleep and then go back out to find other people.
Zef: Oh... *sits up* Okay, well. I won't, but you can still go, if you want to. *pause* And I'm sorry, really.
Terrence: *looks at him, confused* Sorry? What for?
Zef: For mentioning them, I think...
Terrence: Who? The Hattans?
Zef: *headshake* No erm, people you're not on good terms with.
Terrence: Oh...Leslie? *shrugs* I see her at work. She keeps being head of medical aboard the Lina so. I see her.
Zef: … and now you want to go.
Terrence: *opens his mouth, pauses, then points at him* Coincidence.
Zef: Oh. Yeah? *not really convinced*
Terrence: *sighs* Yeah. I'll hang out with you longer, how's that?
Zef: If you want to go, go. Earlier you just didn't seem like you'd want to go so soon.
Terrence: I don't. There are still just...Joseph Dover was on the Hattan ship with you, wasn't he?
Zef: Mabye. *frowns* Yeah.
Terrence: I'm gonna try to find him. I told him a few weeks ago I'd try to watch out for him and, well. *shrugs* I couldn't.
Zef: Oh. Okay.
Terrence: He's a nice guy, I think we'll be friends. *nods*
Zef: *sighs* Okay. *gets up* Well, right, I should be used to that. Anyway, if you want to come back later, I'll be in the bathroom. Maybe in bed. *more snappy than intended*
Terrence: *narrows his eyes at him* Zef? *nods to the seat next to him* Sit. You're acting weird.
Zef: I'm /not/. I just want your attention and I can't have it. *again* But I /know/ that you're like that. You need to know how everyone is, so if you want to, then go. I won't go anywhere, I couldn't. It's all right. As long as you're not fleeing from me. Or sulky. Or whatever.
Terrence: *is he being a spoiled child what is going on, what's happening o_o* I do plan to come back after I check on other people, you know. Dover's not my best friend, you are.
Zef: *the last three weeks were crappy, that's happening >__<* I know. And you know that I'm selfish, especially when I'm not well. But normally I just step back and keep quiet.
Terrence: *stands up and steps towards Zef to hug him*
Zef: *stays standing, watching him, but is too stubborn to move*
Terrence: *snorts* God you're-- *snorts again and just hugs him*
Zef: Selfish? Unfair? Feeling like crap? For once demanding? /Yeah/ . *hugs him tightly*
Terrence: *sighs* No. Well, maybe. *chuckles* Well, tell me what you need.
Zef: Yeah, just you. What did you want to say? *if not what Zef just suggested implied
Terrence: Something about stupid. Or an idiot.
Zef: Oh. Okay, then we have that in common. *can't decide if to sound snappy or amused, so it's  a bit of both*
Terrence: Wow, common ground at last--! *squeezes him and loosens his hold* Okay. I really do need to check on Dover.
Zef: *lets go of him* Yeah, go. *still snappy, but still more friendly now*
Terrence: *chuckles* Drink your tea. It's magical.
Zef: Maybe. Or maybe I'll be in the bathroom again and now go before I get mad again. *o__o;*
Terrence: *small snort* I'll look for you there when I come back.
Zef: *slight nod* Thanks..
Terrence: *grins and pats him on the shoulder* Take care of yourself, I'll be back soon. *heads for the door*
Zef: *breathes deeply* Okay. I'll see you.
Terrence: *smiles and heads out*
Zef: *changes into some comfortable civvies, fetches blankets and curls up on the couch*



IV.
Joseph: *is in the starboard lounge, reading a more recent past log on his PADD as he's nursing a steaming mug of hot cider*
Terrence: *seeks Joe out with the computer's help and enters the lounge* Joseph! *approaches his table, smiling*
Joseph: *looks up at the voice, and the vestiges of a smile tweak up the edges of his mouth* Hey. *the bags under his eyes aren't there anymore, though he still has the tired air of someone who's been through the wringer and not slept much for a few days*
Terrence: *sits down across from him* I'm glad you're back. Sorry I couldn't be there for you like I said. *rueful smile*
Joseph: It's not like there wasn't anything you could do about it, though. Me being taken, that is. *glances to the PADD to make note of his spot and closes what he was reading and looks back up*
Terrence: Weeell, maybe not. How are you doing?
Joseph: *shrugs* Fine. Mostly. I managed to get a lump on my head when we woke up.
Terrence: *alarmed* What? What happ--are you okay?
Joseph: *small chuckle* It's nothing serious. I hit my head on a biobed getting back up. *the smile fades, and he looks back into the cider of his mug* Nothing, compared to what I've just been through.
Terrence: *nods, quietly, and makes a small gesture to invite him to elaborate, if he wants*
Joseph: *silent for several long moments, then takes a sip of his cider before speaking again* It...wasn't fun. *Not at all. Never again.* I...I really don't want to do that again. Ever. *supresses a shudder*
Terrence: *looks apologetic* You might have to. This isn't exactly the first time something like that has happened to this crew.
Joseph: Yeah, I figured. *taps his PADD* I was reading about your first encounter. You guys know that half this stuff seems like it belongs in movies, not in real life. *trying to sound like he's joking*
Terrence: *half-hearted chuckle* We live in a movie collection. Sometimes it's horror, sometimes it's comedy, lots of action-adventure, romantic comedies. Children's cartoons...
Joseph: *blinks a few times at the last one* Children's...cartoons...? Do I even /want/ to know?
Terrence: *laughs* We've been to a planet where we had to dress as animated characters from the Disney franchise in the 21st century.
Joseph: *may have heard about that franchise at some point, but it doesn't sound familiar off the top of his head* Oh...kay then. I did see something though that seemed like you guys got to be in the Lord of the Rings? *raises an eyebrow*
Terrence: Oh yeah! THat was a pleasure planet, though, but that was /fun/.
Joseph: *smile* I'll bet. So, at least some parts aren't traumatizing.
Terrence: *shakes his head* But they're not all that we encounter. So...yeah. What happened to you will probably happen again if you stay on the Legacy.
Joseph: *nods slowly* I survived it once, though. On the Hattan flagship. And, I chose this posting, I intend on seeing it through.
Terrence: *smiles* That's a good attitude. I think you can handle it. *nod*
Joseph: *half-smile starting to form* You think so? I was also given an option to stay on a Starbase for my first posting. For a while there, in that holding cell, I was starting to question if I'd made the right choice. *But I don't think I did. Not now, at least.*
Terrence: Yeah, that'll happen. I've questioned it...a hundred times. But I stay. I guess it's worth it.
Joseph: If you've stayed after that many cases of "Why am I here?", it must be. *looks out the window* I think...I'll head back to the Legacy this week. I'll need the time to....*trails off*
Terrence: *nods silently, understanding*
Joseph: *is quiet for several long moments, lost in his own thoughts, before speaking up* *quietly, seeming somber* Has anyone ever...broke, during one of your...worse missions?
Terrence: Oh. Ah...yeah. Yeah, they have. *had to tie Erik to a bed once to keep him from causing trouble in his crazed state*
Joseph: *resists the eye twitch* What ha--*shakes his head, cutting himself off* Sorry, I probably shouldn't ask that.
Terrence: *shrugs* They got better. Ish. They're still alive. *Erik's still a little crazy but...*
Joseph: ...ish? *voice is a little more high-pitched than he meant it to be*
Terrence: It's not like they haven't changed. But they're still okay.
Joseph: *relieved sigh--he hopes* Well, that's good. *Thank the Powers that Be he's not pressing for details of the past week*
Terrence: *knows better than to pry when something is so fresh in the mind okay that's a lie just decided not to this time* Talk to Erik Schroding in Communications sometime. He was like you when he came aboard, all young and excited and stuff. *and now he's not* And now he's...I guess one of the changed ones. But still alive.
Joseph: *nods* I'll keep that in mind. *knows he'll have to see a counselor at some point after this, but not right now. Once he's back on the Legacy, maybe* And his mind's in one piece, right?
Terrence: Oh yeah. He still functions and does good comm work, he's Molly's second, really.
Joseph: *eyebrows go up* Well. Looks like I've got hope then, huh? *jokingly*
Terrence: *grins* There's always hope. That's the good thing about the Legacy. Sometimes we've got nothing but hope, but that's enough.
Joseph: *smiles back* Isn't that always how it is in deep space? When nothing else works, use hope as your fallback?
Terrence: *nods* You've got it. Yeah, I think you did make the right decision, Joseph. If you can take what happened to you and still admit to hope, then you'll do all right here.
Joseph: *smile falters just slightly, then returns* Yeah. Heh, keeping hope is probably the only thing that kept me from breaking in...there.... *trails off again*
Terrence: *oh, maybe he shouldn't leave just yet* You okay? *concerned*
Joseph: *shrugs* *smile fades a bit* Yeah...well, no. Not entirely, not yet. *sips at his cider, finding it's gone a bit on the cool side since they started talking* But I will be.
Terrence: Do you want to talk about it yet?
Joseph: *shakes head* Not yet. I'll let you know when I do, though. *long pause before continuing* And...thanks.
Terrence: *shrugs* Eh, don't mention it. It's the least I can do after letting you get captured. *little grin, because of course he didn't "let" it happen* *stands up from the table* See you around?
Joseph: *smiles in return* Yeah, sometime. *holds up a hand in a "till later" gesture*
Terrence: *gives a small wave of farewell and heads back out to return to Zef, like he promised*