Daily Logs 11-22-15

I. Kelsey interrogates Gyles about his happiness


I.
Gyles: *trying to get some relaxation after last week, so he's on the O-deck doing some reading with a mug of coffee in his hand*
Kelsey: *comes into the O-Deck for some quiet and to look at the stars* *wanders over to Gyles couch absent-mindedly because that's normally where she goes*
Gyles: *looks up when he hears her enter* Eh...? Oh, hello ensign Boudet.
Kelsey: *blinks* *this is what she gets for not paying attention* Oh, I am sorry. I didn't notice that you are here. Hello.
Gyles: Oh- It's quite all right... I can move if you'd like me to...
Kelsey: *quick shake of the head* No, you were here first. I should not oust you.
Gyles: Right, sorry, I'll just... *makes sure there's enough room* If you still want to sit down feel free...?
Kelsey: *brightens* If you do not mind? I am very fond of this couch. *smiles* And I will probably talk to you, unless you do not want that. Then I will let you be.
Gyles: *puts PADD down on his lap* Eh... It can't hurt...
Kelsey: *freezes* If I am disturbing you, just say so and I will go away.
Gyles: N-No, no, you're fine! You're fine, sorry.
Kelsey: *hesitant nod* *slowly moves to the seat he cleared and sits down* Thank you for your offer. It is very kind.
Gyles Oh, it's nothing really...
Kelsey: Have you been well? *how are you doing*
Gyles: Oh uh... *shrugs and stares out unto the distance* Honestly, I'm not even sure what counts as well anymore...
Kelsey: However you choose to define it, I suppose. Have you been in a state that is satisfactory to your personal standards?
Gyles: *thinks* I guess... Well honest answer is no but that is not important.
Kelsey: *tilts her head* Why is it not? You should be honest with yourself, and you should think that your idea of 'well' is important.
Gyles: I did, but I don't really have the time to worry about that what with everything that always happens...
Kelsey: You must make time? If you think such things, you will not last long I think.
Gyles: *thinks about that* I don't know... I'll just work on it when I can I suppose.
Kelsey: With that attitude, you never will.
Gyles: I don't know what to do, before I know it there's another big thing happening and I can't keep up.
Kelsey: So you take time when and where you can, you see?
Gyles: I suppose so...
Kelsey: If I may, you seem to have an outlook that is very defeated. That is sad for someone of your age.
Gyles: Eh?
You are thirty or so, yes? You seem defeated for someone of your young age. *says the 26 year old* There is much more in life that you should be excited about.
Gyles: *looks around* Is there?
Kelsey: I believe so. You have, hypothetically, much more life to live. And very soon you may be bitter if you continue on so.
Gyles: Hrm. That remains to be seen... *looks down*
Kelsey: *tilts her head* What troubles you?
Gyles: With the way things are, who knows how long I'll last? Sure, casualties have been low aboard this ship, but... that may likely change.
Kelsey: Yes, that is true. But why should you go to your grave being so glum? That must be very boring, expecting to die at every turn.
Gyles: Not expecting, no... I guess just acceptance that it can strike at any time.
Kelsey: And so you are unwell and do not see that as important.
Gyles: Well it's not as if it makes a difference, I'm just an ensign in the background.
Kelsey: What has that to do with it?
Gyles: I'm not important, I just work behind the scenes, anything wrong with me are not important either unless they hamper my ability to perform my job...
Kelsey: *tilts her head and contemplates him* But they hamper your happiness.
Gyles: So what?
Kelsey: Don't you want to be /happy/?
Gyles: It doesn't matter if I am or not.
Kelsey: Why?
Gyles: I... I thought I mentioned why...
Kelsey: You said that about your well-being. Happiness, while similar, is separate.
Gyles: Oh. I thought it was in there...
Kelsey: No.
Gyles: Well, for the sake of what I'm saying, I am including it in there.
Kelsey: That is preposterous. You cannot be sitting there and telling me that Commander K'rinn could not be bothered if you were unhappy or unwell?
Gyles: As long as I can do my job why should it matter?
Kelsey: Aside from the concept that happiness affects productivity, you should be happy, or at least content in the path that you have chosen, I think. Otherwise, what is the point in having chosen it?
Gyles: *sits, hangs his head, and eventually shrugs* I don't know.
Kelsey: *tilts her head at him again* Why /did/ you choose it?
Gyles: Choose?
Kelsey: Yes. Select. Why are you in Engineering? Why that instead of working in a florist's shop?
Gyles: *thinks about that for potentially a solid minute* I think I've always been good with machinery... Although a lot of my memory escapes me.
Kelsey: *dryly* That is not concerning at all.
Gyles: No- No, not like that, I just mean it's been a long time and I have been busy lately so it's hard to remember right now.
Kelsey: So you do it because you are skilled, but not because it pleases you. What does please you? *slight emphasis on 'does'*
Gyles: *exhales and leans back* I don't know...
Kelsey: You don't know what you enjoy? *frown*
Gyles: I don't really think about it. I suppose I do enjoy working with machinery, it's satisfying at any rate... *it's not like he ever actually excluded that possibility*
Kelsey: But it is not something that, when you reach its conclusion, you feel as if you have done a good thing that has enriched your life experience.
Gyles: *hesitates* No... No. It hasn't exactly done me much good...
Kelsey: Is there anything else that you enjoy?
Gyles: I... sometimes come down here.
Kelsey: Am I interrupting your enjoyment by making you think about this?
Gyles: Ah... I don't know. I don't really think about it.
Kelsey: ...You don't think about a lot of things.
Gyles: Well, it wasn't on my mind.
Kelsey: I apologize. Many things are often on my mind.
Gyles: Apologize for what?
Kelsey: *shrugs* For perhaps putting it on your mind. ...Actually, no, I do not apologize. This should be important to you. If you came here to get things off of your mind, then I apologize for disrupting that, but that does not seem to be the case.
Gyles: Maybe I should think about it, I don't know. I don't really know anything anymore.
Kelsey: I think maybe you should. But...I do not know I am not a counselor. I think perhaps I should have not disturbed you like this, I am sorry. Good night! *gets up and fleeeeees*