Daily Logs 1-26-15

I. Fallan extracts Arra from her quarters
II. Kelsey judges Vaughn pretty hard
III. Erik feels warm and fuzzy, breaks Molly's heart



I.
Fallan: *Shuffling slowly down the hall, he meant to see Arra sooner but he had to stop at sickbay to get a cane. The cane hurt his pride, but he's leaning heavily on it. He gets to Arra's door and chimes her. He's still covered in furs, but his face is showing*
Arra: *sits up and weakly calls out* Come in...
Fallan: *He enters. Wow that was really easy, compared to Rein.* Arra? You haven't been out, what's wrong? *He's squinting. He can't see very well*
Arra: *has the lights off in her quarters so there's not really much to see* I am. I am what is wrong.
Fallan: I've heard that quite a lot lately. Is there a chair around? *Starts tapping his cane on the floor and sweeping it around to navigate. With the lights darkened, he's essentially blind.* I was hoping to sit and listen to you...
Arra: *is silent for a few seconds before speaking again* Can you see?
Fallan: Barely. *Sounds a little grumpy. He's going to walk right into a table if he continues this way*
Arra: *sighs* Computer. Lights on. *the room should be illuminated now*
Fallan: Ah-- *Seems startled, but there's his ugly face in all it's glory. He blinks at the table* Thank you. *he starts moving towards a chair and he sits down in it. Finally he can get a look at Arra as best as he can.* What's bothering you?
Arra: *Arra is sitting on a couch in the middle of the room. She has numerous (healed) scars on her face and arms, and it looks like one of her back arms is broken. the rest of her hands are covered in blood, both Klingon and Terellian. She's shaking slightly and wide-eyed.* *she doesn't really answer*
Fallan: *Squinting. He sees....he'll assume that's blood. He settles into the chair and pulls the hood off. He may be hideously old, but almost everyone else has something far worse than him, so it feels less severe* Arra?
Arra: Y- yes... what?
Fallan: I'm just making sure you're still with me. What's wrong?
Arra: I... I am... *gesturing to herself* *by the elements what happened to him?*
Fallan: I would have to get very close to you to see what's wrong with you, Arra, and I get the suspicion that would make you uncomfortable. *He points to his eyes. They're almost totally white and a little milky*
Arra: *seems not to be taking this very well* I... You cannot see me? My hands... with the blood of many, myself with my old scars... None of that?
Fallan: *Uh oh* Don't take offense, please. It's a condition that comes with old age. I'll tell you what I see. *He leans and squints harder* ...I see some red on your hands, one of your arms is a little strange, but I'm afraid I only see a few discolorations in your skin. I suppose those are your scars?
Arra: I... Yes. *nods*
Fallan: *Takes a deep breath,* This is about the occupation, isn't it?
Arra: I... What do you mean?
Fallan: The Klingon occupation?
Arra: /I know which/- *catches herself* *in a softer voice* I know which occupation... I mean when you say this is what this is about what do you mean...
Fallan: Well, you're covered in blood and scars, so I'm guessing this is all somehow related to your experience during the occupation?
Arra: Related, yes. But I would not say it was completely... *pauses* No, it is too difficult to describe.
Fallan: Will you come out of your quarters?
Arra: *shakes her head* No... No... It can't come off...
Fallan: Well neither can anyone else's flaws, but I think covering yourself up a little might do the trick.
Arra: ...And it becomes known to everyone that I have something wrong...
Fallan: Everyone else has something wrong with them too. Look at me, *Taking off his jacket. He looks like death itself* You could count my bones.
Arra: *shudders and closes her eyes* What is happening to us...
Fallan: Do you want to know what I really think?
Arra: ...What?
Fallan: That I'm getting too old for this cowshit. *Flumps on the chair*
Arra: You look like it... *pause* What is that?
Fallan: ....this? *lifts up his cane* It's to help me walk.
Arra: No, the word that you- *shakes head* Never mind.
Fallan: Cowshit? Oh, it's a human word. It's a very nice one. It's supposed to be stinkier than bullshit.
Arra: I do not know what- *sighs* Forget it.
Fallan: So will you come out of your quarters?
Arra: *shakes her head again* No... No... You do not understand... I can hear it too...
Fallan: Hear what? *Leans in to listen closely*
Arra: *uses her front arms to gesture to her whole self* Everything that this is... about...
Fallan: What are you hearing though...?
Arra: *closes her eyes and shudders again* They are crying out... I can hear people I know in pain, begging me to stop... But I have not done anything... 
Fallan: *Takes a deep breath and leans on the couch arm,* I can understand how upsetting that is.
Arra: *opens her eyes* You... Can?
Fallan: I can. *He reaches his hand out, offering to hold Arra's hand in a gesture of comfort*
Arra: *hand retracts away from Fallan* I... How...?
Fallan: All of us suffer on this ship, each from our own wounds. If you just walk the halls, everyone's insecurities seem to be on display this week. You don't suffer alone. *Voice is gentle. He's only just come on this realization himself.* It makes it easier to bear your suffering when you know you're not alone. Misery loves company, as the humans say.
Arra: *pauses to consider* So... Okay... So... Everyone else has something like this as well?
Fallan: *Nods* Yes.
Arra: But... As bad as this? *looks down at the blood on her hands*
Fallan: In a manner of speaking....to be quite honest, I would rather look like you than what I look like now. I feel like how I look is worse, and it seems like everyone else feels the same way.
Arra: *closes her eyes* I would rather barely see than hear the sounds of those I care about... hurt by me...
Fallan: ...I know, my point is that everyone feels very afraid and vulnerable right now. We all would rather look like anyone else except ourselves.
Arra: Okay... Okay... *note: her back arm is no longer broken* I can get through this...
Fallan: *Can't see very well, but notices...something. He smiles.* Why don't we take a walk together to the mess. It's almost lunch.
Arra: Yeah... Okay... *gets up* At least this doesn't get on anything else... *meaning the blood*
Fallan: That's the spirit. Up we go... *He takes a while to get up and he leans on the cane a lot, but he gets there eventually. He pulls his jacket back on.* I should show you this new dish I tried. They're called 'tater tots'. Very delicious.
Arra: *perplexed expression* A... curious name...
Fallan: It is, but once you get over the name, they're wonderful. *And they're off to have lunch together*

II.
Kelsey: *feeling sorry for herself in the dark of the O-deck, hiding in a hooded shirt, but refusing to seclude herself in her room* *huddled on a couch by herself and staring out at the stars*
Vaughn: *enters the O-Deck, looking pretty miserable himself* *several times today he's had...what looked like parts of him crack and fall off, and it's been disturbing* *has gloves on, and is currently wearing a hooded jacket to try and hide the fact that his face is /falling apart/* *sees Kelsey and comes up to her* *softly* Hey. This seat taken?
Kelsey: *yes. by my misery. there is an entire deck why are you /here/* No.
Vaughn: *Okaaay looks like he's not the only one having a bad day* Having a bad day too, I see. *feels a new crack appear in his face, instinctively puts a hand up to it in an attempt to keep this latest part of him from--literally--falling off*
Kelsey: You learned that from one word? *not looking at him* Truly you must be a marvel.
Vaughn: I try my best. *small smile* It was your tone, mostly. Feel like talking about it? 
Kelsey: I do not.
Vaughn: *nod* Then I hope you don't mind my hanging out in the O-Deck, anyway. I promise not to pester you. *starts toward the replicator to get something to drink, and the movement causes another piece to break away* *winces*
Kelsey: *dryly* How very comforting, I am sure.
Vaughn: *heads to the replicator and gets himself a mug of hot cider, trying to tell himself that he's fine, but it's not working* *and despite the gloves, another piece of his hand breaks off, which elicits another wince and a hiss* Damn....
Kelsey: *stays where she is and ignores him and his noises*
Vaughn: *gets his cider and takes a seat in a chair not /right/ next to the couch, but also not too far away* *if Kelsey looks at just the right angle, she'll be able to see part of what Vaughn's trying to hide with his hood; there's /holes in his face/ where pieces have fallen away* *some of them have started to "heal" over, but there's more recent breaks* *the fact that he's literally got parts falling off his a little disturbing, and the more freaked he gets about it, the more parts break* *looks absently out at the stars, taking a sip of his cider*
Kelsey: *ignores him* You clearly want company or you would not have come here. What would you like to discuss?
Vaughn: *shrug* *takes another drink of his cider before responding* Have you noticed any...changes about yourself? *trying not to sound a little freaked out by his own state*
Kelsey: *sarcastically* No. I am entirely fine. There is nothing wrong or different about me.
Vaughn: *Your tone says otherwise.* Mnh. Then I'm guessing the hoodie is out of personal taste, then? *as well as the huddling, but doesn't mention that*
Kelsey: *clearly leaving her room was a mistake* Why do you care?
Vaughn: *pauses for a moment, thinking* I've been...well, I look different. And it's weird. *pause* If I show you...promise you won't freak?
Kelsey: I have seen some of the worst things imaginable while aboard this ship and you are worried that I will be frightened by how you look?
Vaughn: Mnh. All right then. *reaches up and pulls his hood down, showing the shape his face is in, many of the cracks disappearing below his collar* *where parts have broken away, there's only a black void showing through* 
Kelsey: *glances at him, (if Vaughn is already looking at her, some rough dark scaley patches can be seen on her cheeks) and then looks away* I have seen worse.
Vaughn: *got a glimpse of what's afflicting Kelsey before she looked away* Looks like you're not looking so great yourself. What happened?
Kelsey: Truly you know how to make a lady feel good about herself.
Vaughn: *sips cider* Still doesn't answer my question. What happened?
Kelsey: *maybe I don't wanna answer your fucking question* Tell me why you are falling to pieces.
Vaughn: *looks back out the window for a bit before replying* ...It's what I'm afraid of happening, I guess. *small shrug*
Kelsey: You fear becoming glass. *sage nod* Truly a rational fear.
Vaughn: Mnh. That's one way to put it, I guess. *runs a hand through his hair, dislodging another piece* It's something I don't like to admit, to myself or others...I'm afraid I might...break. *snorts a hollow laugh* Even as I say it, it sounds stupid. *not as stupid as spiders, though*
Kelsey: A dangerous fear for a counselor.
Vaughn: *nods, still looking outside* Very. I like to assume that I've got it together, but.... *shrugs* That might not be true. 
Kelsey: Then perhaps you should visit one of your peers.
Vaughn: *snorts a laugh* That'd be weird. A counselor going to get some counseling. *damn it man, you shouldn't still be dwelling on /that/*
Kelsey: *makes a mental note to never visit vaughn for counseling* Clearly you are in need of it. So why would you deny yourself the care? Chefs who cook for a living still cook dinner for themselves.
Vaughn: *nods* It just...I should be past being an insecure lump by now. I can keep myself together, so why am I still so afraid of falling to pieces?
Kelsey: I do not know, that is why you should see a counselor. Though if you want my best guess, it is either because you are /not/ past it, or you are overcautious.
Vaughn: *shrugs, sipping his cider* Mmnh. Doesn't help the fact that I feel ridiculous about it.
Kelsey: Get over it.
Vaughn: *blinks, looks, then leans back with a soft chuckle* Advice noted. *pause* Now that I've told you what's eating at me, you going to tell me about your appearance?
Kelsey: No.
Vaughn: Is there anything I can say that'll make you spill?
Kelsey: ..............................You are a counselor.
Vaughn: *that's a no* *doesn't say anything, just returns to looking out at the stars*
Kelsey: Why do you insist on knowing?
Vaughn: *thinks for a moment* I'm trying to figure out why we're all having so many...changes, all of a sudden. *and he's got a fairly good inkling, but he does't want to jump to conclusions* 
Kelsey: Congratulations.
Vaughn: *finishes his cider and gets up* I'll leave you to your musings, then. *returns his mug to the recycler and leaves*
Kelsey: *doesn't reply and keeps watching the stars*

III.
Elspeth: *would meet Molly at the entrance to medical, looking only vaguely familiar. Her features are slightly different, less aquiline, but it's her newly human skin tone, a deeply tanned shade that looks mediterranean, that really throws off the observer, giving them the impression of distant familiarity*
Molly: *has gotten a prescription of painkillers and is wearing thick black gloves to counter the things afflicting her so she can keep working, since there are many who can't* *finally her administration work allows her time to go check on her people, and she starts with Erik, stepping into Sickbay to look for him and coming upon Elspeth instead* *had been heading up an effort documenting each individual's change, so she's pretty sure this is Elspeth* Doctor Nalara?
Elspeth: *smiles* Your recognition is appreciated We are continuing to work on your condition, but the progress is... *she inhales through her nose, irritated* Limited. But you wished to see your officer, yes? I am warning to you, he has been reticent. 
Molly: *nods* Yes, I'd like to see Erik. If he doesn't mind. *worried*
Elspeth: *nods* You are the only one marked to be allowed to visit him, but then, no others have asked. *she gestures to the back of the complex* Recovery room three. It is marked. *Elspeth is seriously creeped out by Erik, and it shows, despite her best attempts to hide it*
Molly: Thank you. *takes a step and then looks back at Elspeth* You doing okay?
Elspeth: *shrugs* I am functioning, mostly. The human skeletal system, it does not agree with me. *raises her shoulders* There are many worse of than me. I do not complain.
Molly: Let me know if there's anything I can do for you, okay?
Elspeth: it is my job to be doing the things for you, Commander. *smiles* But that is most kind. I will be keeping it on my mind.
Molly: *gives her a smile that almost reaches her eyes and then makes her way back to recovery room three and cracks the door open*
Erik:*looks genuinely dreadful. He's seated on the biobed, hands on the rails, held in place by soft cloth bands just so he doesn't go anywhere. His body is thinner than Molly has seen in a long time, and the scars he spent a year of DR therapy are back and stand out more than ever against his pale skin. His eyes are closed, and a headset has been delicately placed on him. Faintly, the drone of some alien words can be heard from them*
Molly: *takes in a breath and lets it out slowly, looking him over and then trying to wipe the concern from her expression so she doesn't bother him with it* *then she steps inside and closes the door behind her, and calls* Erik?
Erik: *Opens his eyes, and looks up, a smile stretching the scar —did it really used to be that big— across his cheek, then tosses his head. The headset goes flying* Hey, boss. Was working on a program to read my eye movements earlier, so I could catch up on work, but it's been slow going.
Molly: *comes over to the side of the biobed* I'd really prefer if you didn't work. I know it would be a distraction, but still. *doing her best to pretend she's not worried, and succeeding pretty well for now* If you /really/ need to do something I could find you some work you can voice dictate. *reaches for his headset*
Erik: *the headset landed on the floor* I'm wasgoing what you'd call stir-crazy. In the words of my psych, I was suffering mood destabilization due to lacking a physical outlet, and am on the cusp of a psychotic break. *smiles benignly* But she recommended some temporary meds to the nice doctor, so I'm feeling better at the moment.
Molly: *picks up the headset and pulls a chair over so she can sit* Well, if they haven't told you already, we're banking on the hope that this is temporary. So it won't be for long. Think of it as a vacation.
Erik: *smiles* I usually climb mountains on my vacation. I tried to explain to the psych that there's no way I pose a danger to anyone on account of... *for a moment, he seems lost, as if reaching for anger that he can't quite seem to find* being immobile, and such.
Molly: Danger? *holding the headphones in her hands*
Erik: The psychotic break, yeah? Danger is I might hurt someone, but I physically... can't. Can't help anyone, can't hurt anyone. All I can do is *again, that slightly confused expression* sit here. 
Erik: Mm. Well that's just untrue. I hurt lots of people in offense. Plus, Leslie that one time, but I think the Legacy had some kind of thing going on that week.
Molly: *frowns* We all have, under the influence of things out of our control. *opens and closes her free hand reflexively, covered in the thick black glove*
Erik: Yeah. Sometimes I'm worreid that with all my training, something will happen and I'll end up hurting people instead of helping. Or I'll just snap.
Molly: *he's being suspiciously open* How many drugs are you on right now?
Erik: *shrugs* Ask my psych. I lost count of hypos at some point. 
Molly: *sighs* As long a professional is administering them. Anything else you want to tell me right now? *pretends she's not taking advantage of the situation, she's just communicating*
Erik: *grins* I don't have any secrets from you, boss. You're the only person who matters. What would I keep things from you for?
Molly: That's very nice of you to say, but altogether untrue.
Erik: Only person who matters to me. Who else is there? 
Molly: What about Leslie? Aren't you guys friends again?
Erik: *would wave it off if he could move his arms* Leslie had my heart, and she didn't want it. We're friends. I'd fight to save her life, like I'd fight for anyone on the Legacy. She's a part of my life, sure. But.... *he sighs* I don't do things by halves. 
Molly: *frowns* I mean, it's a little more complicated than that. *sighs* But I guess I understand.
Erik: To put it simply, if I died and never came out of this room, there's only one person who would miss me. And you can bet it's not Leslie. It took her what, a week after we broke up to find someone to care about?
Molly: *defensively* That's not true.
Erik: *sighs* It was unfair. You're right. But the fact of the matter is, she broke up with me because she asked me if it was okay for her to see other people too, and I said I'd be alright with it. What do you do with that?
Molly: *leans back in her chair, turning the headset over in her hands* Okay. That was a lapse of communication, I admit. *the irony*
Erik: It was my failure as a human being. But I've come to peace with it. 
Molly: *shakes her head* Both of you had a lapse in communication. But let's not talk about that. There's enough bad stuff going around. What can I do to help cheer you up? And don't say more drugs.
Erik: Could I ask you to just....stay with me, a while? Without work, I remember that there's... no one there. 
Molly: *makes a distressed face for a second before she gets herself together* Yeah. Of course. As long as you need. *rearranges her schedule in her head* What do you want to talk about?
Erik: Anything. Work, family, love, travel. Hopes. Dreams. Books. Holoshows. I just want you here. *he closes his eyes* Is there anything I can do for you? 
Molly: *this is very upsetting, but she keeps herself composed for now* Well, you already know how much I work. You're usually there. Family, my brother's fine, the rest of my family I have no idea. Love, let's just skip right on past that one. Travel, still enjoying it. *thinks* Then we get kind of complicated. And no, you don't have to do anything for me.
Erik: *laughs* Of course I don't have to. I want to. if you sneak into my room, I still have painkillers left over from when my leg still hurt. They're good stuff. 
Molly: Okay one, I'm confiscating those. And two, I'm already getting some painkillers from Sickbay.
Erik: *wishes he could scratch his itching neck* More drugs never hurt anyone. *he tilts his head as far as his muscles will let him, which is about ten degrees or so* I feel great. 
Molly: You can get addicted. *or something* Is something wrong?
Erik: I'm currently on muscle relaxants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, some expiremental anti-paralytics that Nalara is trying, and whatever suite of things my psych cajoled her into giving me, too. I can feel them wrapped around me. It's like someone took that broken mirror I always compare myself to and wrapped it in cotton, all cozy and no sharp edges. It's nice. *a muscle in his face jumps* I forgot it was possible to feel like this. 
Molly: *props her elbow up on the arm of the chair and leans her chin into her hand* I wish I could tell you that you could keep using them after this is over.
Erik: *shakes his head as much as he can* I wouldn't want to. I need the edge, on the Legacy. I need to be awake, I need to be functional. It's like running on a tight rope. If you ever slow down, you'll fall. 
Molly: *once again she feels guilty about trying to convince him to stay* *but she's feeling selfish, so she pushes that away* Remember that crazy tea you used to drink?
Erik: *wrinkles his nose* I try not to. Sleeping eight hours a night is why I'm still sane. 
Molly: I used to get so mad at you for drinking that stuff.
Erik: You're always right.
Molly: *grins slightly* Glad to hear you acknowledge that. *takes a breath* Hey listen, when you get out of that bed, we should go climbing on the holodeck again. Something really tough, to push us. But with the safeties on for when I inevitably mess it up.
Erik: *waves it off* Of course not. It's a historical recreation of a classic route from the Ural mountains. Not unexplored territory at all. It's technically challenging, but surprisingly enjoyable, I'm told.
Molly: Let's do it, then. I totally won't research it ahead of time to get an edge. Not at all.
Erik: I'm going to upset if they on't figure out how to fix this. What if I have to have my entire body replaced with a robotic prosthetic? Who will mourn my beautiful tricepts?
Molly: They'll fix it. And I wouldn't mourn them, because Erik, you work out too much. It's getting weird.
Erik: You're just mad because when I can't reach a handhold I can just jump up the wall like a mountain goat.
Molly: Sure, that's it. Definitely. Keep telling yourself that. *her PADD beeps and she pulls it out* I have to run out to main Sickbay for just a second to get another hypo, but I'll be right back, okay?
Erik: *nods* Sounds good. I might nod off while you're gone. Could you sit with me for a bit when you come back?
Molly: That's the plan. I'll stay as long as you want me to.
Erik: Thanks, Molly. Love ya. *yawns, and his eyes drift shut*
Molly: *sets his headset to the side and sits for a moment before going out to Sickbay to get a new hypo, and then comes back to sit with him quietly, eventually pulling out her PADD to work when she gets sleepy* *will stay at least until he wakes up, and then probably longer to hang out*